I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
