I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
