Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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