hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
