i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
