i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
