meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
