I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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