You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
