You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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