I love black thongs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This is my gift to your gina
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
