just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
