why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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