so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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