I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
