I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
