That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
