this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
