she smelled like a LAN party
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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