yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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