he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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