It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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