anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
