Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
