You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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