he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
