He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
