oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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