I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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