Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
