Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You did what with his pubic hair?
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