what day is it and did you see me today?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
