I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
