is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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