Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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