i permit you to call me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
