while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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