Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
