My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
