what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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