There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I love how my cats smell like pot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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