We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
