I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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