I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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