dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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