do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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