May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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