She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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