Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
