Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
