WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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