once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
