Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
