You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
