Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A bitchslap is in order.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
