All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
