ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
