he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
