whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's never too late to be topless.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
