I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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