Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
