Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just forgot I was standing up.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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