We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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