please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
