My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
