I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
