The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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