I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
