Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
