I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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