He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
