this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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