6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize