If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
