May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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