I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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