i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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