Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
