I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
