I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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