Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
