the condom got lost in my hair
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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