I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
