he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
